Julian @ Empedocles

Just spent a night drinking red wine, listening to Air and Delerium, pretending to think about my future, and reading a bunch of blogs from the old old country. You’d think I’d have better things to do on a Friday night – but anyway, I was surprised to see how nothing changed. I hadn’t followed Eastern European news for perhaps a year, and now it was just like I’d never been gone: same sh*t, same discussions, same angry recriminations. What really amazes me is how people there get into ‘politics’ and talk unending talks; the country isn’t better off or worse off than any country in a similar stage of development, and its political class isn’t better or worse than the average representatives from anywhere. But the chattering classes, that is, 80% of the population sitting on the sidelines without getting involved in any way, is quick to find faults, and talk, and talk, and talk. I would be dead bored there – everyone knows the minutiae of the lives of the public figures and only talks about that.

While the facts aren’t brilliant, the constant chattering just amplifies and distorts them until they become unmanageable. It’s not just the blogs, this is how life is there, a constant talk – as H.P. Lovecraft used to be terrorized by any kind of music (see “The music of Erich Zann”), so I am over tired by the unending talks there. The tragedy is that some of these blogs are indeed extremely well written, with talent – and there clearly is a rather solid cultural background, curiosity, and intelligence that the writers possess to write in that fashion. Yet they are wasted in an ocean of bytes and useless banter. Why don’t these guys use their talents to create something else, more divorced from the immediate? If I was an ‘intellectual’ there, I would force myself to talk about everything but the now; I’d write about the classics, about science fiction, about nature, about painting, just about anything that is more perennial.

The double tragedy is that when I was in the country, I used to see all kinds of guys similar to these – in late night bars, getting sloshed and wailing over lack of chances, lost loves, and missed opportunities; well spoken they were too. But ultimately losers. Drinking and waxing poetic form the sidelines seems to be a national characteristic that no one is ever thinking of addressing.

One of the things I never bought into in the US (another one being the ownership society, about whose debunking I just tweeted), but was constantly bombarded with, was the optimism; the so-called can-do attitude. It was an instinctive rejection that I could not quite explain. While I agree that moderate optimism is a useful approach to living, the idea that anything is possible seemed somehow ludicrous to me, as someone who comes from a culture that has been repeatedly shoved back in the dirt as soon as it had a chance to lift itself. I was just skeptical.

After being immersed in a different society for a while and having the advantage of distance, as well as the perspective afforded by the interesting times we’re in, I do have an explanation of sorts for my attitude; this endlessly optimistic attitude makes sense for a generation that has encountered hardship, struggled with it, and overcame. E.g., those who lived through the Civil War, Great Depression, maybe World War II even (although that was a remote calamity with little bearing on those left back home). You have seen the problem, fought with it, and conquered; you know you are equipped to deal with it, based on your experience.

But for a generation or two whose biggest worry was where is the next stash of dope going to come from, or when is the next Nintendo going to be released, and which did nothing to contribute to this state of freedom from worry, this kind of optimism is foolish and misguided. How do you know things will always be ok, when you never had to deal with bad stuff? You are just projecting a past which you did not create onto a future which you hope will be yours, but which you aren’t actively propping up – you’re just riding on someone else’s wave.

I don’t really think the current crisis will solve this issue – it takes a generational adjustment for that to happen and I don’t think that 2 years of dumping houses will cause it. Let’s wait and see.

Incidentally, the US isn’t the only one who should worry about this. If I was a thinking Chinese, I would worry about it too – the biggest wave is the next one.

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Just had this girl, who says she is in love with me – schedule three meetings with me, none of which she was able to keep. Now: she is a professional, someone with a brain, no (apparent) baggage, and a life of her own. Yet, every time she scheduled something she canceled only hours later – first time she was too tired to meet, then her house was a mess, then something else happened. Just assume that you were in love with her; again, her biz card suggest a respectable, worthwhile potential date or more. Being in love with her, you would watch her every gesture and read into her every act, hoping for that sign that you matter more than others. And if she initiated an encounter, you would be overjoyed, only to crash and burn when she canceled. Three times in a row, you would be nearly devastated – the higher you are, the farther you fall.

Am I not better off being a skeptic? Chuckling quietly every time she sends another SMS? And wise – I always have the K’s, so no need for the (busy? mindless?) potential ideal date.

My EQ Intelligence

While I don’t disagree with the above, I wonder under what concept does ‘boredom’ fit? Inability to motivate an interest in others (and BTW, is this self-centeredness)? Anyway, I have much much Osho left to read and meditation to (begin to) practice it seems.

And how does it all relate to this?